You're Depressed...So Now What?

It's been a week of high-anxiety for me...it snuck up fast and before I knew it my thoughts were spiraling. A feeling of urgency, panic, inability to overcome all hit at once and I was left bewildered. Then I realized it's a full moon week.

This got me thinking. When I was experiencing severe depression, anxiety was it's bosom friend. One wouldn't show up without the other quickly joining the party. That I can actually recognize my anxiety and deal with it before depression asks to come over too is quite an improvement for me.

In my struggles I found that a powerful tool at my disposal was putting a NAME to what I was feeling. Naming how I felt allowed my poor mind and heard a starting point for reflection. Instead of being tossed around internally and wondering why I felt miserable, recognizing when I felt anger, sadness, guilt, fear and so on, allowed me to stop a depression cycle, or at least redirect it. Recognizing anxiety, and through experience how it affects my depression, was a large achievement.

Here's a little tip for you. Start placing names to how you are feeling. Don't stop at 'I'm just depressed" - do some soul-searching for a clearer answer. Are you feeling unattractive? Are you upset with someone else? Are you comparing yourself to others? Are you sad? Make a little list of the things you know can bother you and go over that list when you feel down. Try to spot what your trigger is today.

Here's a little starter list for you. My list includes emotions as well as other factors I know can trigger my depression. Some may sound silly but my experience has shown that depression can be triggered by very simple things. And usually there's more than one at work.

Why am I feeling so down today?

• What's the weather?: Many people feel down on gray days. What was surprising to me is that my mood is very affected by weather changes - specifically changes in barometric pressure. When there's a sudden pressure change or if it's at a high level I begin to get foggy-headed, anxious and panicky. Recognizing that the weather is affecting me doesn't make it go away but it does help me put a name to the feeling.
• Is it a full moon?: Crazy right? As much as we joke about full moons causing everyone around us to act strange it does seem to affect me. Like this week, I'll go four days feeling anxious, worried, rushed and then stand outside one right and see it's a full moon. I take it for granted now that it is simply something that does affect me.
• Has something happened?: I call these "triggers". After some thinking about how I feel I'll often recognize that a certain conversation, a sudden memory, being in a certain location, etc. has triggered an emotional response. I might recognize the discomfort at first but then it fades back into my subconscious, toying with my thoughts and emotions from the shadows. Realizing, "that conversation upset me and made me feel bad about myself" has often helped me push away the dark feeling. Watch out for triggers - they can be subtle and powerful.
• Am I sleeping well?: While you may not be able to control how well you sleep, recognizing when you aren't sleeping is important. We get cranky when hungry and moody when sleepy. If you know you aren't sleeping well, then give yourself some grace to recognize that as smart, brilliant and sexy you are, you'll still turn into a moody little toddler without sleep.
• Am I eating and drinking well?: The same idea as sleeping - how your body is being nourished affects how your heart feels nourished. It's hard to feel happy and chipper when you're suffering from a hunger headache. This is key: drink water more often. Don't go crazy with it but if you're consuming a lot of sugary drinks or caffeine, it will affect your mood.
• Am I talking to myself in a healthy way?: Whether out loud or internal, we're all thinking about and talking to ourselves. How do you refer to yourself? Are you speaking to yourself like a loving friend would, or are you being a horrible friend to yourself? The "golden rule" is important to practice on yourself! Many of us who have depression have a feeling that we should treat others way better than ourselves (feeling that we're worthless and don't deserve better). Turn the golden rule around a bit and talk to yourself as you want to talk to others, treat yourself with the respect you would show others.
• Is there something hidden?: It's been remarkable to me to recognize just how much certain seasons affect me. Spring was a hard one and I didn't understand why i was struggling. It wasn't until a lot of reflection that I realized that Spring was when a very painful time of my life occurred. There weren't any specific triggers, it was just the presence of Spring. Our minds remarkably make associations to smells, sounds, sights and feelings all the time. Just as eating a cool, crisp slice of watermelon can evoke summer as a child, seeing the leaves in Fall changing may evoke sadness, remembering when a grandparent passed away. Sometimes it's obvious when you think about it, other times it's not obvious. Just be aware that how you're feeling may be due to something "hidden" in your brain - some association you haven't realized was there. Take time to track back through your life to spot an old, negative association.

This is just a start! This is my list, not yours. The trick is to take time tracking back your feelings to find the roots. 

This is like a hunt. You must find the name for how you are feeling (angry, anxious, bad self image, sad). once you have a name for the feeling, go through your list and track down the root!

It may not make the depression suddenly disappear. However being able to say, 'I'm depressed because I feel sad. I feel sad because a recent conversation reminded me of a big mistake I made, and remembering that has troubled my spirit. I'm sad because I haven't forgiven myself for my mistake." may make all the difference in your fight.

Find the name, go over your list, find the root.

Good hunting, dear one.